introducing erin (coming to christ)

     My name is Erin Cox, I’m 18, I’ll be a college freshman this fall at a fancy Bible school in Manhattan, my fiancée is in the process of enlisting in the United States Navy and life is sweet to say the least and Christ is within all of those things and so much more, but it hasn’t always been this way.

     I started out my life in a Christian up-bringing with incredible grandparents who put an emphasis on the importance of God in my life. There came a summer, however, where I went to live with my mom (who is an incredible and strong woman whom I love whole heartedly) and her home was much less structured. We didn’t go to church, read our bibles or pray for our meals or any of the other things I’d previously been brought up to do, which was of course the extent of my walk with Christ at that point in my life.

     Life was average, not bad and not great, which is truly tragic when one looks back at all of their unforeseen potential. I woke up, went to school, spent time with various friends and repeated my routine day after day. Those things filled my all of my time with monotony except for in the summers; summers with my mom were unique because for about a week every summer my mom would send me to a spectacular Christian camp! Here at camp (Cross Bar X Youth Ranch: I’d encourage anyone to check it out) we read our Bibles, we had in-depth thought provoking conversation and we worshipped God. These few weeks are some of my best memories. Cross Bar X quickly became a second home for me in a lot of ways, and I took advantage of all the retreats and other things that they offered outside of their summer programs.

     As I grew older I also began to grow bored with the tedium that was my life. I was unsatisfied, and so I began looking for ways to purge that from my life, and what I found and where I found it was far away from childhood church attendance or summer camp.

     I quickly established myself amongst unsavory characters that cared very little for their own lives and even less for mine. In that group we dabbled with things like drugs, self-harm and frequented parties where there was booze and other things. Needless to say I was plummeting in a downward spiral that put me on the fast track to rock bottom. My grades nosedived and my relationships with my family members quickly began to deteriorate. My cry for help was a loud one of misplaced angst and a desire to be heard that manifested itself in my own appalling behavior. There and then if you had told me I’d be here, contributing to a blog like this I would have laughed, out loud and in your face.

     I was broken, I had allowed my soul to fall prey to sin and I became comfortable with my own iniquities and flaunted them for the world to see. I raised my banner of surrender high and renounced any previous desire I had to battle the depths of sin within my heart. I had ceased to care what happened to me, to the people around me, or to anyone else. I lived in the moment and I lived only to serve myself solitarily, which is idolatry in its worst form.

     Lost and without a true identity of my own I continued to attempt to forge a life for myself (which for those of us who have been in that position is an impossibly difficult endeavor that will only leave you even more weary than when you started out.) People all around me tried to coax me out of the self-centered and destructive behavior that I had adopted, and with a lot of effort and patience a few even managed to do it.

     Caily Wilbanks, being one of them, is truly a terrific friend (and a soon-to-be bridesmaid of mine) and put a lot of her own personal efforts in to getting me out of this hole I had dug myself. She tried very hard to get me out of the house and to attend a Bible study hosted at the camp I told you about earlier. Uninterested and apathetic I had excuse after excuse for why I just couldn’t make it week after week. “I can’t, I have to study for finals. I don’t have a ride. Family’s in town…. Blah, blah, blah.” And Caily, being as clever as she is, decided to come to my house (completely unbeknownst to me) to give me that ride to Bible study that I’d been incapable of arranging previously. And so, without excuse, or a way out I began to attend Bible study on a frequent basis. Cassie Miles, led the Bible study and began to mentor Caily, one other girl from the study and myself throughout the next year. This is what I recognize as the very beginning of my walk with Christ.

     After attending Bible study for a very long time my heart had softened and I began to realize that my life was desolate and was in desperate need of a savior and so I began to make the effort to open my heart to God and allow for that change to occur. As a relatively new Christian who hadn’t quite gotten the hang of walking with Christ, the year to follow was not one that reflected well on me or the God I had begun claiming (if only during Bible study). I found a relatively good group of people to spend time with, they weren’t as interested in partying or getting into trouble as before but they were far from good influences. Continuing to skip out on my classes, lie to my teachers, and my parents my life certainly did not reflect my new found and Christianity and it wouldn’t have been apparent from the outside that Christ was making way for major changes in my heart and in my life.

     That same summer I found myself back at camp but no longer as a camper, this summer I had volunteered as support staff and somewhere between dishes in the kitchen and horse wrangling I discovered the solace of Jesus in my life. I experienced an overwhelming joy and peace that I had never before thought possible, and as if out of nowhere I began to notice changes in my daily life that certainly weren’t of my own accord. I participated in daily prayers and devotionals, I had a desire to worship openly and passionately, and I found a closeness with God that I hadn’t formerly experienced in my life all of this accompanied by regular church attendance did my soul a wonderful amount of good.

     All these things were a result of Christ’s hand in my life and by no means a product of my own works but a camp we talk a lot about “the camp bubble” and “the camp high” which refer to being at camp 24/7 where we’re constantly pushing the Gospel and being home or amongst people and temptations that are otherwise removed while we’re at camp. This worried me; I had become frightened of my return to reality. I was not totally convinced that these changes were real and that when I returned home that I would settle back in to my old routine without any transformation actually having taken place. My prayer for the remainder of that summer what that the God of camp would also be my God at home.

     When the summer had ended and staff had said their goodbyes I did return home, and there was a little bit of a camp high that did eventually wear away but what I discovered when school started back up is that I no longer wanted to take part in the activities I used to. I continued to read my Bible, pray fervently, and attend church. I quickly carved a niche into a church family of my own (most of which were associated with camp) and I continued to allow myself to accept Cassie’s mentorship. This isn’t to say that my Christian walk from there on out was easy, it wasn’t and isn’t. Walking with Jesus is a daily challenge and one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done, but I do it as best as I can and some days are better than others. I stray and still have a tendency to put myself before God but I am continuously working towards bettering myself for the sole purpose of glorifying the name of God. I get a little better all the time and I would advise anyone who reads this blog to immerse yourselves in the grace of Jesus because there is a love that is everlasting and steadfast that will heal the brokenhearted and save those who are spiritually crushed (Psalm 34:18)