I've been sitting at Starbucks for 2 hours....finding every excuse to
not write and not being able to have a straight thought about what to
write. When someone is asked to introduce themselves or talk about
their life with God, there is the temptation to want to say the right
things, show how dramatically God has moved, what He has taught you and
led you through. Then you read other people's accounts and you think,
"Man, I don't have it together at all.....I have so far to go." That is
when I realize..... "hmmm...maybe this is exactly where God wants me to
be." The truth is, I don't have it together, my life and heart is
generally a mess. And I have so far to go in my walk with Jesus.
My journey with Jesus began at birth. I had the privilege of being
born into a Christian family. My parents went to church and took my
sister and I from the time I could remember. I don't have a memory that
doesn't include church, singing songs about Jesus and reading stories
from the Bible. I loved going to church and singing all of the songs I
had been taught about Jesus. Then when I was 5 years old, I made
confession of faith and accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I was
baptized and we celebrated my decision with ice cream at my favorite
place! Looking back, all I remember is being baptized and feeling like I
was gonna drown, realizing my Momma didn't pack clean undies for me -
so I had to go commando, and being SO excited to go to Pixie's and get a
swirl cone. My sister had recently been baptized and taken to Pixie's
so I wanted to do the same. I don't remember any kind of big change
after that evening. My life proceeded as normal. I loved being in
church! As I grew, church became a bigger and bigger part of my life.
As I entered junior high/high school, youth group was my life. All that
I did revolved around youth group. If there was a mission trip, I
went. If there was a weekend retreat, I was there. My Christanity was
upheld by the highs that were experienced on each retreat, trip,
convention. I wasn't taught to do in the low times. There was an
emphasis on having daily devotions....such an emphasis that it came out
like a guilt trip if it wasn't done. It wasn't until college that I
began to realize how to live life in the day to day - not just the
highs.
I could write pages more of what God has done in my
life since my high school and college years. I could give you minute
details of my walk with Jesus. I could tell you how God has allowed
some heart wrenching things in my life only to allow some of the deepest
healing and satisfaction in Him that I would have never found without
the pain. I could tell you of the insane amounts of joy - pure, Jesus
drenched joy - that have seeped into every corner of my being. All of
these things would give glory to God and hopefully show you what God can
do with a life. But there are two words that would describe it all..
...But God!!
But God saved me from the pits of hell, by His sovereign grace and mercy.
But God allowed my parents to divorce when I was 19 to teach me immense joy despite my circumstances.
But God...led me to an amazing college that would provide the friends
and mentors that I would need to grow and start to become the woman He
was calling me to be...then led me to the an incredible seminary and to
the friends that would be the glue to hold me together.
But
God....in His sovereign mercy allowed me to go through the end of my own
marriage and be a single Momma at 29 to teach me who I am in Him and
that He has an incredible plan even though the pain was more than I
could bear.
But God....He gave me an incredible little boy to begin the healing process in my life when it was just he and I.
But God...let me feel like I was stranded on an island waiting for His plan to unfold.
But God...turned incredible heartbreak into incredible joy and peace.
But God...brought an amazing man into my life to show me how a wife
should be loved by her husband, how a son should be loved by his daddy
and how a family can be centered on Him and Him alone.
There's been some incredible things and some heart breaking things that
God has brought into my life. But I know that everything that has come
into my life has passed through God's strong and loving hands. I know
that everything that has happened has been for His glory and for my
growth. The past 32 years of my life have been pretty amazing...I can't
wait to see what God has in store for the next however many He allows
me to be on this earth.
praise God for His direction in your life. I,too am looking forward to where He will take you and your family.
ReplyDeleteThanks, as always, for your beautiful authenticity! Yours is such an inspiring journey.
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