introducing sarah!

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               I grew up in a Christian home where church and Sunday school were a priority every Sunday. I didn’t really like going to church, but went to make my parents happy. Throughout elementary and middle school, my parents stressed the importance of getting good grades and consequently I found my identity in my schoolwork and in getting all A’s. Every night before dinner we would pray together as a family and once a week we would have “family meetings” where we recapped the week, talked about the next week and said the Lord’s Prayer together as a family. Other than that, my parents never really talked to me about faith or helped us understand what it meant to have a relationship with God.

                  In high school I still strived for good grades and was also very busy with clubs, sports and my social life. I had a lot of friends and was considered one of the “popular kids.” So, with that being said, I wouldn’t say I got mixed up in the “wrong crowd” or anything, we just had no guidance and no one to look up to. {{I wish someone would’ve reached out to me, tell me I had so much going for me and teach me about my worth in Christ}}. My friends and I started drinking freshmen year of high school, sneaking out of the house to go to parties, etc. My sophomore year of high school, I started dating this “stud” football player who was a senior (and at the time seemed to have sooooo much going for him. Ha.) Our relationship progressed and became serious very quickly and I ended up having sex with him. Although at that time, I knew what the Bible said about sex before marriage, I clearly chose to disobey. All of my other friends were having sex with their boyfriends, so I thought I was just doing what was “normal” and “expected.”

Although I was caught in many worldly things, I was still going to youth group and leading a double life. After my sophomore year I went on a weeklong mission trip with my church to the Navajo Indian Reservation in New Mexico. It was there that I learned about reading my Bible and I accepted Christ into my life. Although I said I was going to stop drinking and partying, it didn’t happen and I fell right back into the same sins when I got home. {{I wish I would have had a mentor or youth group leader to disciple me and teach me what it meant to follow Christ}}. Although my behavior didn’t change, I remember feeling a sense of guilt and regret about the way I was living.

The next year, my junior year, Mr. Football “Stud” went off to college, found a new girlfriend and broke my heart. For a while I was really depressed and picked up the habit of binge drinking. In the midst of all this, a friend from youth group invited me to go to YoungLife with her. I went twice and enjoyed it, but wasn’t able to go every week because I was busy for some reason or another. {{I wish I hadn’t been so busy with mixed up priorities and had allowed one of those women to pour into my life}}.

A few months later, while still depressed and trying to mend my broken heart, I met a new boy who was into the party scene and brought me along with him. This only further increased my binge drinking. For about 2 months during that year, I drank at least four nights of the week and ended up having sex with him too. I felt so crappy about myself for doing that that I felt that I needed to date him because that was “the right thing to do.” I continued dating him my senior year, and although we were still caught in sexual sin, I had decided to stop drinking, which lasted for a few months at a time, but then I would just screw up again. Throughout high school, my identity was in getting good grades, sports and mainly boys. Over half of my time was spent with a boyfriend; I didn’t know how to function alone.

Before I left for college, the youth leaders at my church encouraged me to get plugged into a Christian organization on campus and after researching a few on the Penn State website, I decided that I was going to join LSM (Lutheran Student Movement). I checked out an event during the first week of school, made a rash judgment that everyone was nerdy and weird and never went back. Unfortunately, my freshmen year I was still dating the same boy from high school. We didn’t go to the same college, so we decided to do the long distance thing. My first couple weekends at college were spent partying because that’s what the people in my dorm were doing and I desperately wanted to fit in and make friends. I desperately hoped there would be more to college than this because frat parties, cheap beer and drunk people everywhere lost their appeal very quickly.

Around the time I became disenchanted with the party scene, I got a flyer in my mailbox promoting YoungLife leader training. I remembered the YoungLife club I went to in high school and decided to check it out. Everyone was really friendly- and seemed to be normal, although they were Christians (at this point I still thought Christians were all lame, nerdy and weird). I enjoyed this group of people so I started attending new leader training, even though I didn’t actually want to be a YoungLife leader. Throughout training, I acted like I had it all together and knew what people were talking about, although most of the stuff we were learning I had never heard of before because I hadn’t really listened at church. I started doing a lot of research on my own and eventually bought a Bible. I started meeting with an older girl in YoungLife and asking her questions, trying to figure out what I believed. {{Finally, someone who was willing to take the time to sit down with me and talk to me about this following Jesus thing!}}

Winter of my freshmen year, I went to a work weekend with my YoungLife new leader training group. There, I heard the gospel for what was probably about the 8 millionth time in my life, but for some reason, this time it suddenly clicked. The speaker told everyone to go outside and think about what they had just heard and just open their hearts and listen to God. Although I was technically a staff person/ worker, I went outside and just began crying. At that moment, it finally sunk in that Jesus had died on the cross for me, that He loved me and that He was calling me into a relationship with Himself. In that moment, I recommitted my life to him, deciding that I wanted Him to be the Master and Lord of my life and change my life in whatever way He saw fit.

                  I wish I could say it was all rainbows and butterflies from this point forward. While I had a desire to know God and grow with Him, I was still dating a guy who did not value the importance of a relationship with Jesus. I told my boyfriend that I did not want to have sex with him anymore and although he said that was ok, it really strained our relationship. I also decided to quit drinking completely, also straining our relationship since this was one of our main pastimes together. While I struggled with these things the rest of my freshmen year, the Holy Spirit continued to convict me and point me to Jesus.

That summer, I served on summer staff at a YoungLife camp where I was further stretched in my faith. I was able to spend a lot of time in the Word, read many Christian books (including Don’t Waste Your Life by John Piper) and get to know God better free of worldly distractions. After camp, I broke up with my boyfriend because I knew it was not a Christ-centered relationship and desired to focus on God the rest of the summer.

My sophomore year rolled around and I decided I was going to “do things right” and got involved in Campus Crusade for Christ (Cru) right from the beginning of the year and joined a Bible study. Being involved in this Christian community was so encouraging. The girls in my bible study became my best friends and kept me accountable to the sin in my life. One of my bible study leaders started mentoring me and teaching me what it meant to walk out my faith. Although I still struggled with many things, I learned to trust God and turn my life over to Him completely. I learned that seeking attention from boys would never fully satisfy and that only God can meet my deepest needs.

Throughout college, I grew leaps and bounds in my faith and allowed God to meet me in my brokenness. While I still had (and continue to have!) my struggles, I know my position in Christ. I know that I am His beloved daughter, worthy, loved, forgiven, accepted. My story is full of God pursuing me, which is absolutely beautiful to now look back on. I wish I would have recognized that in those moments and run toward Him, but everything happens in His perfect timing and ultimately He won and has captured my heart. As you can see throughout my story and in those moments when God was working, my heart was crying out for a mentor, a leader, a role model- an older woman to speak life to me and point me in the right direction. I recognize just how important it is to love on, encourage and disciple younger women so that they too can grow into the beautiful women God has created them to be!

            Life with Jesus in the past few years has been anything but ordinary. In 2 weeks, I will embark on an 11-month journey, following Him across 5 continents and to 11 nations sharing His love with people all over the world.